THE GAME IS ALL
Well that was some fucked up shit with Mr. Spellman and all, but I got the message in my bones loud and clear from Anna, it said ‘get your ass out of the kitchen and into the front yard and waste this dude before he ruins all our lives’ so I didn’t hesitate, I told James to stay there in the kitchen, stare at his cereal and keep eating until I got back, and then I went outside and did my thing which Anna just told you about. I guess she didn’t care that Spellman saw us together, I mean that poor fucker was looking right up at us when he died, and you know it’s funny because if I saw someone die like a year ago I reckon I would be scarred for life, but now it doesn’t bother me at all, probably because I’m already dead.
So after that I had to do what Anna told me to do, which was fine cuz I was gonna do it anyway, so I took me and James to school, and on the way he called his parents and grunted a few times, and I’m sure they thought he was a total spaz, but at least he called and wasn’t dead, well at least not anymore, ha ha. Anna wants me to remind you here that I knew how to drive, unlike her because Anna is a big chicken when it comes to driving, but not me. Okay, Anna’s pretty brave when it comes to other things, she wants me to say.
But I have to be truthful, that on that morning while I’m driving me and James to school, I was back into my ‘Anna is a cunt’ mode for killing me and all. And I figured she would think that I was getting back at her for making James love me, but how did I know that was gonna work? For all I knew, James would just go on hating me (I mean Anna) cuz like why wouldn’t he? Anna’s a total fucking freak! Everyone at school knew that, not just James. I think that maybe Anna was right when she said that James maybe secretly knew I was Chloe and not Anna and that his dead girlfriend had come back to him, which kinda made sense seeing that now he had died and come back to life just like me. Oh shit, who knows? This is all getting kinda complicated, and it’s all just some theory and shit. I didn’t really know what was true anymore, all I know is that I gotta take James to school.
I also know is, since everyone thinks I’m Anna, and that I finally know that I’m not really Anna, me and James are gonna go to school and fuck some shit up!
It all started pretty much right when we arrived. I parked the mom-mobile in the parking lot and me and James walk with our arms around each other in front of everyone. Now you gotta understand, this is less than twenty-four hours after the old me freaked out in front of everyone in the lunch quad, you know when I had my public orgasm and screamed crazy shit in front of everyone and James told me to fuck off. Imagine then how it must have looked to all those dumb Griffin Hills students as we walked right through them all lovey-dovey. Man did we get some stares! I just kept giving James like simple commands which he seemed more than happy to do, like walk with me, smile at everyone, just act fucking normal. But I’m sure he didn’t look like himself, he had that glazed-over look you know, eyes all funny and a fake plastic smile. I told him to say hello to a few people and he did but really loud and awkwardly of course. Now I knew that all the students already thought I was a freak, so maybe they thought I had converted James or somethin’, since now he was actin’ like me. That’s what boyfriends and girlfriends do, right? It’s not that weird, unless I guess you’re the queen of the weirdos like Anna. I keep waitin’ till we run into one of James’ friends, like the people we used to know, Tyler and Clarissa, but believe it or not the first person that I really take notice of is freakin’ Mr. Nodder, cuz he walks right by us and looks like he’s gonna spew. He actually turns and walks with us for a second as we’re just about to walk in the school and he tries to talk to James and sez his name a couple times but I just tell James to ignore him and we walk on into the school. I don’t know what Nodder did just then but we’ll get back to him later, just you wait.
So me and James head right over to Tuxford’s art class, because we are just making it before the bell, and just before we go in I tell James what to do, and so we go in and sit together at my seat, and you’re really not supposed to do this but who cares, right? This is Tuxford, she’s such a wus. James sits down and I sit in his lap, and all I told James was that we are gonna make out for the entire class, so that’s what we start doing. Now of course everyone is staring and gossiping, and not even Tuxford can ignore this, she’s all like —
— Anna and James! Stop it please! James! Please go to your own seat! —
And we just totally ignore her, and people start cracking up and cheering, and we are really going for it like heavy tongue action and groping and everything, and it’s a good thing we both have strength cuz if like only one of us had it we’d probably swallow the other one right up! Tuxford starts getting really mad, especially for her, and I hear her threaten to get Nodder, but I don’t hear much else because everyone in the room is talking or laughing or cheering by now, and I kinda feel like cracking up myself, but I have to admit I’m having a great time with James, and it doesn’t feel like either of us wanna stop, it didn’t feel like love or nothin’, just wild fuckin’ hormone drivin’ sex, I don’t know what it is about being a zombie or whatever, all I know is my body is sayin’ DO IT in big capital letters like I just wrote, so no way Tuxford, we ain’t stoppin’! Well we did stop when we heard Nodder’s voice boomin’ at the door in what seemed like hours later, so we got up to go down to his office, and every student in that class gave us a standing ovation as we left.
We were gropin’ each other all the way down to wee man’s office, and I could tell that this really pissed him off cuz he was like steamin’ all about the ears as he’s walkin’ next to us. When we finally get to his office I sit in James’ lap just like I did in art class, and Nodder says somethin’ like ‘don’t’ and it was just so awesome to ignore him and start makin’ out again! Nodder just starts gettin’ real mad, but then gives up with the whole anger approach cuz it’s just not workin’ at all. Then he starts to do somethin’ different, and even though me and James had our tongues in each other’s mouths, I was still listenin’ to him, cuz there was no way I was ever gonna forget anything about this day, I mean, I may not get what Nodder said verbatim but I can tell you that it went something like this —
— Miss Appleby, I will address first you since I’m certain that you are behind the corruption of this fine young man. Do you understand that tomorrow is the biggest football game of the season, against our crosstown rival Plainfield? I suppose you wouldn’t, seeing as how you’re still quite new here. Well I can tell you, Anna, that nothing you do will distract this young man from his duties as starting quarterback tomorrow night. Nothing! Now I don’t care how strange or unfortunate the events of the past week have been, we operate on tradition around here, which goes back way further than you or your poor deceased sister, God rest her soul. But it’s time we snap out of it! Life goes on, for the both of you! Do you hear me? —
Of course I hear you you fuckin’ dumb dweeb, I’m just ignoring you like any intellectual person would. So that’s when Nodder gave up on me, and started in on James. By the way, we were still makin’ out, we never stopped —
— James, son, I know Chloe had an effect on you, as she did on all of us, with her spirit, her verve. But this is not Chloe you’re with now! She may look alike, but it’s not her! Remember yesterday, son? At lunch? You wanted nothing to do with her? What happened? What did she do? I mean, just because she’s available doesn’t mean you should… It’s not right! —
I can’t believe this guy is an educator, seriously, but this is fuckin’ hicktown Ohio after all, what do you expect. Me and James were liplocked, that part was easy. Finally Nodder decides he’s gotta bring out the big guns, so he says —
— Fine. Feel free to continue this behavior. Let’s see what Coach Holden has to say about this —
And then he storms out of the room to get Coach and plan something and I actually start to laugh in James’ mouth cuz I know what’s really up with Coach because I was the one who killed him!
I pull away from James for a second, cuz I mean to be honest my lips were getting sore, and also half of what we were doing was for show too, I mean, how long can you kiss someone before you just wanna be done with the kissing and move on to the sex? That’s when I ask James this question (rhetorical I know) —
— You still wanna be quarterback tomorrow night, right? —
And James gets all stiff and puffs out his chest like Tarzan —
— STAR! —
Well I think this is fuckin’ hilarious so I laugh, but then I tell him, before Coach can get there —
— You are gonna be star. You’re gonna beat Plainfield and you’re gonna win! —
— WIN! —
— Now when he asks, you tell Coach that and everything will be fine —
And James just smiles and grunts and tries to kiss me again and I let him. A minute later Nodder and Coach come in, and me and James give it a rest for a change, and I try and imagine what kinda state Coach is in cuz last time I saw him he was a walking lobotomy. Nodder doesn’t look too happy and I’m thinkin’ that’s cuz he didn’t get too far talkin’ to Coach. Nodder sits behind his desk and Coach just stands there with his mouth open like a goober, and Nodder says —
— Coach! Tell James what I just told you! —
And Coach is like real slow to do anything, and Nodder rolls his eyes and is goin’ nuts, and I’m about to laugh again, until finally Coach sez, loudly —
— James! We have a game tomorrow night! What are you gonna do about it? —
Now James doesn’t waste any time with his answer —
— WIN! WIN! WIN! WIN! WIN! WIN! WIN! WIN! WIN! —
He goes so nuts that I have to settle him down —
— That’s enough, baby! We all know we’re gonna win tomorrow! So there’s no problem here! Isn’t that right, Mr. Nodder? —
And Nodder is still behind his desk but he looks like he’s gonna explode because I assume he wanted Coach to tell me to fuck off and leave James alone, but what Nodder doesn’t get is that Coach ain’t sayin’ shit and that I am in charge here! I’ll prove it! Nodder tries to get back some control by asking James and Coach to be excused while he talks to me alone, but I am having none of that shit, I just pop out of James’ lap and announce to that little fucker —
— Sorry, Nodder, but me, James and Coach are all leaving together and there’s not a damn thing you can do about it! Toodles! —
And then I tell everyone to leave, and Nodder stands up and starts screaming that I’m expelled and I’ll never be allowed back at Griffin Hills again and all kinds of shit like that, but to be honest I wasn’t listening, I was walking arm-in-arm with James right behind Coach and right the hell outta there.
I tell you, it was fuckin’ sweet.
I took James outside then because I figured I was expelled anyway so what was the point of going to school, hell if Anna could do it so could I! And I was Anna! I felt pretty happy then. I felt like myself again. I had the hottest guy in school ready to do anything for me. My only real responsibility was I had to follow my sister’s commands, but I felt pretty sure I could work with that without too much hassle. Besides I remember feeling then that that usual sense of connection that I felt with Anna, you know, even when we were apart, that rain that was always there, well it wasn’t quite as strong, I mean if I concentrated real hard I could get it, but I guess I was too busy just doing my own thing, and maybe Anna was doing hers. At least I hoped she was, that would be good for her. I really did want her to find some kinda happiness, just so long as it didn’t mean I had to suffer. So no more fucking killing me, bitch! Ha!
You know since Griffin Hills was a high school and all, there were plenty of secret places around where kids could go hook up, I mean, what is a high school if not a hotbed of horny teenagers, and we need someplace to go relieve all that stress, am I right? So me and James headed off to these woods well behind the football field, and without turning this story into a porno I will just say that we did our part for horny teenagers everywhere, especially since like I said we were both zombies and our minds hadn’t really caught up to our bodies quite yet, I mean, we were both super-strong in a lot of different ways, but brain-wise, we had a way to go, especially James, but to be fair I had a few days head start on him. James was still kinda physically awkward too, I mean, he had super-strength, no doubt about that, and he had stamina, cuz we were like doin’ it for hours, but he was real clumsy, like he didn’t know what to do, and I had to tell him where to touch me and all kinds of details that like I said I will avoid especially since this is Anna’s book and I could get real nasty here, trust me! (Let me tell you, if you can think it in your dirty little mind, we did it!) But James took awhile. After the first hour or so he began to get the hang of it, and I guess I had some perverted fun being his teacher, and it was a pretty groovy way to spend the day. After a while even we started to get tired, so we just lay there in the dirt and sticks. I told James that we should still go to football practice after classes were done, and James was very enthusiastic about it, just like he was back in Nodder’s office, I mean if there was one thing ingrained in that boy that carried over from regular James to zombie James, it was that he was gonna be the fuckin’ quarterback and he was gonna win. It seemed real important to him. I remember just laying there with him, both of us on our backs staring up at the trees and all their colors, and I said —
— Oh man anyone who plays against you is goin’ straight to hell —
And I laughed and I didn’t think nothin’ of it at the time cuz it was just small talk and all, but sayin’ that was a bit of a mistake on my part, because James remembered it.
I’ll tell you what I mean. We went to football practice after school, I mean, what was Nodder gonna do, not let his star quarterback practice one last time before the big game? And I was goin’ too, we were a package by then, you get one, you get the other. Anyway, Nodder wasn’t even there, just Coach and the rest of the amateurs, including zombie Paolo, who would just stand next to Coach with his mouth open like the biggest moron in the school, which he probably was. Coach would just stand there saying shit like ‘do some drills!’ and ‘run laps!’ and ‘practice plays!’ and the team musta thought this was some weird new coaching technique, but they didn’t seem to care, and anyway they had been dealing with zombie Coach for a couple days now, so, yeah. We were a little late getting to practice, so James goes to the locker room and gets dressed and comes out and gets in there and runs around a little, and I’m just situated with a few of the other students on the side of the hill like always, you know, the other players’ girlfriends and such, except of course they are like staring at me big time since I am the new queen of the school freaks by about infinity times over now, I mean, think about it, I’m Anna! I was a freak from day one, then I go murder my sister and everyone knows about it, then I hit on my dead sister’s boyfriend, then I masturbate and cum in front of the whole school, and now I’m dating James for real? And I get expelled? Holy fucking shit, I thought to myself, this is great! I’m the biggest fucking freak of all time! If they hand out an award for that I win for sure! I remember thinking then, I bet I may have crossed over, you know, become so big of a fucking freak, that now I was cool. Yeah I bet that’s what happened. Scratch that, I know it. All those other girls sitting there near me, they couldn’t exactly be jealous of me, even if I was dating James, because I was so far gone into the world of freaks, that I had become like the über-freak, which was probably pretty scary to them, but they had to admire it, they had to admire someone who could go that far and still come out on top, so to speak, I mean, I had James after all. I could be a constant source of mystery and amazement for them, and that’s pretty cool.
Anyway, after a little while Coach barks at the team to run some plays or some shit, and they all line up like they do, and they hike the ball to James, and he doesn’t bother passing the ball to anyone else, he just starts running, and even though it’s just practice, James is going one- hundred-percent, and I don’t think he knows any other way, you know, cuz he’s a zombie and all. And I’m watchin’ him and smiling and thinkin’ how awesome he is, and he’s runnin’ down the field, and these guys try and tackle him, and James sticks out his free hand, and as soon as any gets close to him he picks them up by the jersey right up into the air and then slams them head first into the ground like real, real hard. He does this to three guys before the others take the hint and get out of his fuckin’ way, and James runs all the way for the touchdown, but those three guys that he threw into the ground, they are lyin’ there, and they ain’t movin’. I stand up and I see other players go over to help those three guys, but they still ain’t movin’. James is walkin’ back toward them now, but he doesn’t care, and the other players start to get a little agitated, I think, lookin’ at the guys on the ground, and I run over there, cuz I know what just happened. Remember when I told James that anyone who plays against him was going straight to hell? Well that’s where he sent them because those players were dead. I went over to all three of them and made sure, and they were all stone cold dead, their necks were snapped. Thankfully, Coach didn’t care, and there weren’t any other teachers around just at that moment, just the other players who didn’t really know if they were dead or not, just that they were out cold, I mean, some of them even laughed about it, but most were worried. I screamed at James to get his ass over there. I told him to grab two of the players while I grabbed the other one. We hoisted those dead boys onto our shoulders and got the hell out of there fast before anyone could stop us. I had to go get Anna.